[to catch up on the first two parts: PART ONE | PART TWO]

November / December 2017

Days later I am walking with Sadie in the early morning sunshine, starting to feel the spring in my step once again. It sort of feels like I am renewed after being sick. I am stopped in my tracks as I think of jess. Immediately - without holding myself back as I used to - I pull out my phone & I send her a message. I tell her I am thinking about her a lot lately. I tell her I would love to see her. & I tell her I am free in the afternoon. It just feels right. I am only just starting to feel like it's not so crazy anymore - picking up my phone to talk to her. It's already been a couple of months since we last met. But time is so stretchy it doesn't ever matter. She calls me soon after & we make plans.

I spend the whole afternoon. We sit & sip coconut water & open our hearts. There are laughs, there are tears & there is a lot of relatable circumstances between the intricacies of our lives. It really doesn't surprise me, how much synchronicity there is. The dogs together warm my heart. We talk about India & my heart skips a beat. I still can't believe I am going. She eases some nerves & instills excitement within me as she helps me clear up some simple things. & later I meet her new partner. We hug & I am so happy I could burst. I hold back tears. Anything she wants to share with me, I will happily always listen & hold everything so dearly. I don't expect anything going into meetings with her. They always feel other-worldly. Like we are crossing time & space to be together. Maybe we are crossing lifetimes, all I know is that it feels like magic. It is crazy sitting there feeling like I am finally able to talk to my best friend (or my biggest mirror/teacher) openly without reservation. I have cradled things away gently inside up until this point in hope to save her more hurt & pain. But now she is strong enough to hear what I have to say. & she see's me more clearly than she ever has. It's amazing what has had to happen for the veneers to drop between us.

The last month of 2017 creeps close by & new friends are teaching me new things about myself. My dear friend (who has taught me so so much) & I don't see eye to eye. It's a rocky time & I take some space. This point is where I used to run away from things when they got hard, most of the time thinking that they were the cause of everything. But I decide to just sit with it until something within me budges. I feel a shift coming where I see what has happened from a new perspective. One day as I am walking home from work in Brunswick to Ascot Vale (a big amazing walk I have always loved) it just clicks. It is incredible how quickly my perspective shifts. I think about all the beautiful, amazing, hilarious things about my dear friend & I am able to look at it & her with a new level of love. Immediately I am pulled to get out my phone & text her. She is free & nearby so we arrange to meet for chai. I am ready to face it now. I see clearly how I have contributed to what's happened. It is such a beautiful feeling when we meet & I openly lead the healing conversation. I tell her I love her & the reasons why I responded the way I did. We see eye to eye & I am able to breath a little deeper. I go to the toilet & as I am walking there I can't stop thinking over & over again 'wowwwww'. If only more people knew how amazing it is to communicate in this way. & I feel nothing but light & love. I am proud of myself. It's only made my understanding stronger & our friendship has just that much more depth & trust.

It's mid December & I have been searching for a second hand photography camera online in my spare pockets of time when Clementine naps (the beautiful baby girl I look after on Tuesday's). One beautiful Sunday, Roey & I have a drive far north of the city full of laughs & good quality time together (as always). I just feel so full of love that she is even with me each miniature step of the way, just as excited & hopeful as I am that the camera is perfect. She feels just how important it is to me. We arrive & the camera is exactly what I was hoping it would be. & I feel like a child again. cant remember the last time I felt this about purchasing a material possession. I guess that's when you know it's right. We decide to make the most of the sunshine & we go on a little spontaneous adventure out to Mt Macedon. We have both never been. We dance around like idiots to music giggling our heads off & it feels surreal as ever. We have been friends since pre-primary. Both small town coastal girls from Western Australia. I would have never dreamed of this day, that we would be able to spend such a wonderful part of our lives physically together. Our friendship has always been incredible. But it's truly blossoming now, 19 years later. It's all just magic - life. We always talk about this & together we are like two bright sparklers - always lighting ourselves & each other up, no matter what is going on in our lives.

When we arrive back home that same day we decide to go to the local Christmas carols event in our favourite park. I am in complete excitement & admiration for my camera, like a kid with all the presents he ever wanted on christmas morning. I click away, photos after photos of Matt, Sadie, Roey. & I Matt's impatience with me bubbling & ready to explode in all his tiredness. The christmas carols are corny & way too busy but I don't care. I have my camera! He gets grumpier as the evening rolls on. He is really not the most enthusiastic about me trying to take endless candid photos of him. I think it's adorable. His grumpy faces sort of melt me inside. & I tell him he needs to get used to it because it's just the beginning. I want to document our incredible moments & stories for as long as I love him (I hope as long as the stars continue shining in the night sky.) If he really doesn't want photos snapped of him, he better have a look around for a girlfriend who isn't endlessly pooping creative ideas out of her ears. Despite the carols being just-okay, & Matt nearly falling asleep from another work week that's worn him to the bone - it still feels like Christmas time. We decide to walk back home, picking up our favourite Japanese food on the way whilst planning for a night of good old fashioned Netflix & chill. Matt & I curl up in our favourite spot on the couch, & Sadie snuggles up so blissfully next to Roey. We are all asleep within 20 minutes of our chosen TV show, around 9pm. A classic night in our house. & I wouldn't have it any other way.

In a few days we leave for Coffs Harbour & we pack the car & plan the drive all the way up there. Sadie is coming of course. The day the drive begins for our christmas holiday adventure is the day my 3 months off the ebs & flows of my normal life here in Melbourne starts. Coffs back to Melbourne. Perth to see my family & then off to India. Hopes are high silently between us this road trip together up north opens a new doorway of possibilities for our future.

full circle magic: part 3

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