ANCHORED SEXUALITY // IN BLOOM SESSION 13 WITH GILLAN FERNANDES
We meet in bittersweet Melbourne Spring sunshine for a photoshoot & a coffee (or three) after our worlds entangled on a yoga training in India last year. Gillian Fernandes is the founder of Kali Saar Wellness, her new business which runs workshops to celebrate sexuality and to open up deep intimacy, both personally (within one’s self) and in relation to others. Combining traditional yoga studies, tantric rituals & sexology, she holds workshops on many levels year round in Melbourne to explore sexuality in a safe, fun and connected environment.
I cannot think of a better interview to re-introduce In Bloom sessions back to the Bloompress Blog. Gill opens up to me discuss all things juggling the hustle of life vs. the pull of deeper dreams. She makes gives some incredible insights on embracing our sexuality, honest conversations & coping vs. healing when it comes to trauma. These topics need to be spoken about!
Something I have personally struggled with through out my life, is accepting in the sensual, sexual part of myself as a powerful & perfect part of who I came here to be. We grow up without a true initiation into our sexuality, with a culture so disconnected. I adore Gill, I adore what she is doing & I admire her courage for stepping in front of my lens.
Check out Kali Saar’s website here & follow her on instagram here.
Enjoy our free-flowing, uplifting exchange!
Jessi x
I am Gillian. HELLO! I am an Indian-Kiwi Australian who loves my community in Melbourne. I am in constant search of what is true and helpful to humans. I love talking, most forms of art and the sun which recharges my soul. Recently I have rediscovered the wonder of storytelling through books. I flow the moon and support all those in pursuit of purpose in their lives.
Bloompress: What did you want to be when you grew up
Gillian: A businesswoman, who worked in an office, in the ‘city’ and got to wear nice clothes. Did that, and realised it wasn’t satisfying my heart.
B: 3 words to describe your now-season?
G: Energised, healing, home.
B: What is it that inspires your creations / practice / or just inspires you generally?
G: The awareness that I am deeply happy doing what I am doing. The realisation that we don’t have to live according to the rule book we never actively choose for ourselves. The desire to share this with others and empower and inspire them to pursue more in life.
B: 5 words to describe YOU?
G: Fiery | Engaged | Authentic | Fun | All in
B: What most people wouldn’t really know about you?
G: I hate being late. I don’t like upsetting people, and like to follow certain social etiquettes. If I am about to be late to something, I feel very guilty and think that everyone involved will be mad at me. I get flustered and sweaty and wish that I planned better.
B: What lights you up?
G: Babies and good food.
B: Do you manage a day-job-hustle? How do you find that balance?
G: Yes, I am a copywriter. I try to get 20-30 hours done per week to pay my bills.
I struggle finding the motivation to do this paid work, because the only benefit is being able to sustain my lifestyle. Sadly, I do not have any passion for it. However, the awesome benefits are that I work from home, I only work the hours I want to, and my boss is a really relaxed wonderful woman.
I tried working 10 hours a day 3 days a week, then spending the remaining 4 days of the week doing my business/free time. This didn’t work.
Now I am trailing working 7am (sometimes 8 or 9am) to 12pm, then spending the rest of the day on my business/myself.
I am also trying to reframe weekends. A lot of my community work odd hours, so I sometimes prioritise spending quality time with them rather than working on weekdays. So I am trying to become okay with choosing to have leisure time on weekdays and work time on weekends.
It is all trial and error. Knowing yourself, your personality type and hours of productivity is all really helpful.
B: Where are you being called towards in future?
G: Wow loaded question! Here is my new world…
Free of labels
Less judgement on flirtation
Reframing how society views and talks about sex
Regular honest conversations
Less escapism through drugs, alcohol, sex
Fun adulting
Instinctual relationships
Anchored sexuality
Empowered to live your bodies truth
Honouring the body’s ebbs and flows
B: Anything you are working on within yourself right now?
G: Yep, I am seeing a therapist at the moment. I am healing from some relatively recent trauma that I suppressed for a while. I thought I was dealing with it all pretty well, but my therapist highlighted that maybe I was coping but not healing. So now I am healing, and it's much harder than coping.
I am also about to embark on a years personal development course, designed to help me digest the demons of my past in order to become a more aware parent. I do not have kids yet, but am super keen to (eventually) become a mother who doesn’t get swept away in a hurricane of emotion when my child’s behaviour triggers me.
B: What is most coming forward / blooming within you currently?
G: My desire to create my business bringing Ánchored Sexuality and Instinctual Relationships to the everyday person.
I want to put something out there that I can be proud of. Something that excites people and gets them asking questions.
B: A little piece of advice for anyone following the non-linear whispers of their heart in this linear world?
G: Embark on an exercise that uncovers your values. Write them done, and stick them up.
Then surround yourself with people that are also following the non-linear whispers of their heart.
Travel. Get away from your everyday.
Find out what your true identity is. Without it being about what you do, or how typically label yourself (i.e. bi-sexual, Australian, lawyer…) instead think about how you want to be remembered (i.e. a loving mother who celebrated authenticity and empowered people to express their truth).
B: Thank you so much for being here with me, & congrats on the launch of your new biz.
G: Thanks for having me.
